Hello everyone!
Dave and I have received several requests to start a blog about the adoption, the trips to Russia and this new adventure we're about to embark upon, so here we go!
First, we have to say thank you to everyone who has provided love, support, prayers, advice and good wishes during this journey. It's been a challenging and amazing time, and now that we're in the home stretch, it's very exciting.
For those of you who haven't been around since this adventure began, here's a quick synopsis...
Dave and I have been married for 11 wonderful years, and our attempts to have a child weren't successful. We worked with a specialist for a few years, but the treatment and surgeries didn't work. That's when we started researching adoption alternatives. We talked to families who had adopted, we read books, we read postings on-line and after all of that, we decided to try adopting a child from another country. Around Thanksgiving 2003, we started looking for an agency.
My friend Rose Lloyd had used an agency out of St. Louis called Future Adopt. She and her husband Mark adopted two beautiful girls from Russia, and she said that the agency did a terrific job. During the process, she heard horror stories from other couples, and she was very relieved that they didn't experience any of those problems. When we looked into it, going to Russia and working with this agency seemed like a good option for us.
We met with Carola and Galina in January of 2004. At the time, the process was taking about 12 to 18 months, and we decided to jump right in. When I saw the mountain of paperwork and bureacracy ahead of us, I remembered one of my favorite sayings/jokes: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." It took 7 months to finish that elephant - so many documents, 2 home study visits with the social worker Jodi, a trip to Kansas City for fingerprinting, etc. etc. We received our INS approval and went on the Russian waiting list on August 24, 2004.
We took the advice of other adoptive parents and kept busy through the rest of 2004 and the first half of 2005. We painted, organized, got new carpet, bought furniture and generally spruced up the place. I read books about parenting, subscribed to two magazines and dreamed about being a Mom. We moved up the list with an agonizing slowness, but at least it was moving.
Then, in June of 2005, something terrible happened. It came out in the media that 3 families - 2 in the US and one in Canada - had abused the children they had adopted from Russia. The abuse was so bad that the children died. The Russians government officials and the Russian people were justifiably upset. They began a process to update their foreign adoption laws and processes. At the time, we were told that it wouldn't take long - but long when you're waiting for a child is relative. We moved to the top of the list and Carola seemed to think we'd make our first trip in September, 2005. The adoptions in the pipeline were still moving through, despite the fact that their accrediting group was still waiting to be reaccredited.
In September, the Russian government said that any umbrella agency that had not yet received their accreditation could no longer use the temporary approval letter. This accreditation issue affected approximately 75% of the agencies doing business in Russia according to Carola and Galina. They made the decision not to send any other couples until the accreditation problem was fixed. At the time, they believed it would be a couple of months, so we decided to wait it out. After all, we were the next couple to go. If we had moved to another agency, we would have to go to the bottom of the list and start over.
In November 2005, our first expiration hit. The US only authorizes fingerprints for 15 months. That meant another half day of vacation to return to Kansas City and re-do the prints. My fingerprints are very hard to take - too much hand lotion and keyboarding! The techs didn't follow the same process as the first time through - where we were able to do everything in one trip. I asked several times if we could follow the same process, but was told that it had changed. 2 weeks later I got a letter saying I had to go back. My frustration bubbled over and I started calling and trying to get some answers. I finally got through to the right person, and he apologized. I still had to go back.
Christmas 2005 was difficult for us. We thought we would have had our son by then, and it's hard to go through a holiday season carrying that kind of disappointment around. There was no progress on accreditations in Russia and we started talking to Carola about the "independent" process. It wasn't our first choice because it involved making 3 trips rather than 2 trips to Russia and we wouldn't get as much information about the child. In January of 2006, we began to fear that they would close foreign adoptions permanently so we made the decision to try it. We called Carola and Galina over the weekend of Jan. 21st and 22nd. On the 23rd, Galina called Russia to get our paperwork moving and was told that the government had closed the independent process the Friday before. Yet another door closed on us. It was heart-breaking.
We stopped reading parenting books and magazines. We stopped working on the baby room. It was just too hard to do that when you didn't know if or when we'd get to go. We never stopped praying and we never gave up on our dream of adopting a child. We talked about starting over with another agency and going to another country, but we decided to trust Galina and Carola and what they were hearing from their contacts in Russia. Carola came and updated our home study herself and her encouragement was critical in helping us keep the faith.
Around Easter, we started getting some optimistic news. Several agencies had received their new accreditations - and Galina and Carola decided to try another option with a new accrediting group. The intitial talks went well, and the contracts were signed in late June, 2006. The wait was officially back on. Dave and I got new cell phones and provided Carola with every phone number she could possibly need to get in touch with us should the call come.
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006 is a day we'll never forget. I was in Los Angeles working on Shelter's new commercials. I had been there a week and was getting ready for our last - and longest - and most difficult day of shooting. At 7:15AM local time, my cell phone rang. I noticed it was from a St. Louis area code, and I figured it was another one of the wrong numbers I'd been receiving. Apparently the person who had my number last was from St. Louis and I was getting used to telling people he no longer had the number.
It wasn't a wrong number - it was Galina. My legs were wobbly as she told me that the referral had arrived, and that we had son waiting for us. All she knew at the time was that he was 11 months old and had beautiful eyes. All I could say was "Oh my God" and "Thank you." She promised more information later that day via e-mail. I immediately called Dave and told him the good news. He was a little more coherent with his "Oh...okay...wow!" I took another minute and called Mom and Dad at work. They both got on the line and it was a really wonderful phone call. I somehow managed to dry my hair, finish my makeup, dress and meet Larre Johnson for the shoot. I was floating with happiness and the 14 hour day flew by. At one point I fired up the laptop and utilized the wireless internet that the production folks had set up. I was sitting in one of the seats in the Los Angeles Theatre (incredible place - but falling apart) and saw the photo of my son for the first time. We were waiting for another shot to be set up, so I had some time. I can't describe the emotion of seeing that blurry photo for the first time. I have a print out of it here and it overwhelms me just remembering that moment. I remember I started to cry, and Larre leaned over, patted my shoulder and said something - sorry Larre - I can't remember what you said. I just know that it was good to have a colleague and a friendly face there with me on that day. It's surreal to get life-changing news when you're surrounded by strangers.
I had sent a quick e-mail to Carol Heim back at the office so that she could let everyone know. What I didn't know is that Carol had to go to a funeral that morning, so she hadn't seen my message or had a chance to share it. Later, when I got a message about our failed attempt to win megabucks as a group with the lottery, I replied back to everyone and said that getting the referral felt better than winning the lottery. Minutes later, my cell phone rang and Kristy Rowles asked me what I was talking about. Within another few minutes, everyone else from the Ad Team had punched into her line and we had a wonderful time going crazy over the good news. I could feel their enthusiasm and support through my little phone and it felt incredibly good.
When I got back home, we began a whirlwind of planning and organizing. Now I'm sitting here 3 weeks later and we have our airline tickets purchased, our visa arrived on Friday, and I still have lots to do to get ready to go - both at work and here at home. I just knew if I didn't take some time to get this posted, it wasn't going to happen.
The journey officially begins on Friday. We'll see our son for the first time on September 4th - Labor Day. We hope that the process goes smoothly and we'll be able to make the 2nd trip and pick him up in the middle of October.
In addition to getting to meet our son, we get to go overseas! We love to travel and the adventure of visiting a new country is a huge bonus in this process. We've been reading about the sights in Moscow and some of the history of Nizhny Novogorad - which is where the Baby Home is located. The city was founded in the early 1200's and I can't wait to see it!
We're taking a camcorder and a digital camera, so we'll share photos through this blog. We'll do our best to keep it updated - perhaps even while we're in Russia.
Again - so many thanks to everyone. Dave and I appreciate your support more than we can possibly say. Das Vadanya! Gee - I hope I spelled that right!
